Look how beautiful she is...

Just to write saying nothings alright

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 00:18:35 GMT

So not a new thing going on at all. How sad is that? But I have been still hanging out with Jimmy and stuff. And thats always fun~~I think I want to take him to London with me. I want him to see my other home, haha! But I think he would like it though~~!

Im home though and I still miss all my friends. I know its my fault too, because of me moving around and never being around. But I talked to the label and everyone else and im getting gthe summer off. I think I need it and deserve it. So hopefully I can get back in contact with all my friends. So hope to see you guys around.

Ash

I never cried alone

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 03:26:38 GMT

So me and Jimmy are back together! Im glad we are, this is like our last shot for this. And I really do think itll work. We've been spending some time together. Hes been comming with me to the studio and ive been going with him to his games. He even took me to my first sport show. It was pretty fun.

And I guess I officially live by myself. Sean is gone and so is Ellie. I dont know where they are or anything but I hope theyre okay.

People... people... I got some news... Craig Manning is alive and well. I seen him at the park with Ceira and we just talked for a few minutes.

But guys im back for a while so give me a call and we can hang out.

Ash

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 17:59:07 GMT

Okay guys, im so sorry about this month. Ive been busy with school, relationship and graduation stuff. And I am graduating<3<3<3 Weeeee!

So after my graduation ill be set and have more time to RP and update, pinky swear!

You can be my James Dean

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 16:12:45 GMT

So I took another vacation till go back on the road.

I dont know where I am. This is so not cool. All I know is that I had to leave. I took the car and now im at this hotel with slow internet and crappy tv. Guess I can start on some new songs but not right now. I just need to figure out where I am.

So hopefully by the time I get back everything will be ready to go. I didnt know it take this long to plan a 8 month tour!

~~The funny thing is that im used to be alone now. No friends, no family, no nothing. Im totally content with it. Im depending on my career right now to take me anywhere but here.~~

So im gonna go look around this place ~~that I dont know where it is or I dont know where im going~~ and see whats up.

Ash

Don't come near me, you'll just get in my way

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 20:17:24 GMT

I hate everything. I hate being here. I dont know why im still here, I could leave if I want. But I can't for some reason. I feel something is holding me back. Is it the sitiuation with Ellie and Sean? Or Craig? Maybe Jimmy? I dont know. Everyone says "Oh Ashley you have me here! Im right here for you!" Bullshit. Where are you now? Or better yet... Who are you? I dont get it. Screw it. I have to find the quickest way out... like now.

Not one thing has been going on. Ive been catching up on school so possibly I can leave early and graduate early which will be nice. Then me and Trav are in the studio more since the plane and out few shows got cancelled. The stuff we're coming up with is amazing~~This made me relize how I miss doing this with Craig. But he has his own things going on so I cant bother him now~~. I hung out with Steve a little bit ago. That was nice. I havent seen him in forver! Some lunch and a walk. It was awesome. Well im gonna go with Travis to dinner.

Ash

Show what you've become

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 21:54:02 GMT

It's been soooo boring around here. Im supposed to go out with Mom and get some stuff for the tour. Like new luggage and some more clothes. Wow... I must be really bored if I just said that.

~~Sean and Ellie are getting married. I cant believe it, they cant be anymore perfect for each other. They're very lucky.~~

But Travis has been stopping by a lot and we've been going out to dinner and just anywhere that seems interesting to us. I know we went to an art show, then the movies, a few concerts~~something reminded me of that.. but oh well~~, the park, a few parties too. It's been good with him so far.

But yeah guess im gonna get goin, see ya.

Ash

Cause I hate the ocean

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 20:25:55 GMT

So ive been trying to get out as much as I can but I dunno... ~~Im loosing it again~~ Theres just nothing to do. Ive been so weak lately. I havent really been eating, I just dont feel like it sometimes. I just dont want too. I dont wanna say its because of Jimmy or because im lonely or anything bad like that. I wanna be okay again. I still have to go to Jimmys and get my stuff so Jimmy comment or something to let me know when to get my stuff I hope he doesnt make this a big deal cause all he will do is make it worse. I just want to do what I have to do and go.I know hes just trying to make it better but its not the right thing to do right now. He needs to think about this and think about me (how I feel about this) and ill be there. And yeah I know I havent really talked to anyone but ive just been going to my Moms alot and talking to her ~~I think I can trust her now. Thats nice... having someone I can trust~~ about everything.

What would you say if I asked you not to go
To forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
Would you take my hand and never let me go
Promise me you'll never let me go

And now the stars aren't out tonight,
But neither are we to look up at them
Why does hello feel like goodbye?
These memories can't replace,
These wishes I wished and dreams I chased
Take this broken heart and make it right

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

I never thought I'd be the one to say
Please don't, well please don't leave me

~~I wish someone would answer me this (the song) Craig or Jimmy... just someone. I just need someone to be there for me. Im sorry if it sounds selfish but I want someone of my own~~

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 03:39:03 GMT

So things have been getting alittle better ~~I mean it~~. Last night me and Craig went for a walk in the park and ~~Jimmy was there and I didnt want Craig syaing anything to him but of Craig does I hope im there or something~~ we talked about all sorts of stuff, haha! Then today I went to the mall to get some cds and do alittle clothes shopping. I seen Craig and Paige there ~~Someimtes it hurts seeing them together, but im happy for them at the same time. And yeah.. I love Craig alot~~

~~I hate being alone.. so much. I hate it when im alone on terms like this. With the whole Jimmy thing. Well he doesnt love me anymore so it shouldnt matter right?~~

One more time in this game we play
Sorry that I couldn't make you stay
Placing pieces in the floor
Of all the things that we loved before

Like puddles, in the rain
Like puddles, we wash away

Hate me now so I can move on
Make it easier to see that you're gone
All the things they're gone too
Turn and changed into memories

Like puddles, in the rain
Like puddles, we wash away

New York City streets with friends by your side
Telling stories in words who've left us behind
All the things we'll never say
Leaving like puddles in the rain

Lower cases and capitals

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 17:16:35 GMT

Im still home alone. Im not sure when Sean and El are coming back so I did a very nice thing. I actually clean the house, hah I know me cleaning. But yeah anyways, things are getting ~~worse~~ better. Craig came by yesterday I cant stand being mopy in front of him. When im with him I cant help but smile. I love Craig still. So much. Nothing can change my feelings for him at all. But I just hate being weak. But I guess we all have moments right? and we talked about everything going on. And it was nice hanging out with him.

Okay Jimmy... I know this is hard and everything but if you care at all, You would leave me alone. I dont need your apologies or flowers or none of that from you. You need to worry about whats going on with your life. Meaning, leave me alone and start being a boyfriend to Hazel. Yeah you broke my heart, get over it. Ill be just fine ~~No I wont. Everything you done and said to me just... got my hopes up and messed me up.~~ When we were talking, you still made no sense. Your still saying things that wasnt true. I did trust you until I found out about Hazel. And everyone knows that im out of my goth stage. Its only obvious. Im not wearing all black. Then not to mention the whole ex thing.And bringing Craig into this? Not cool. You and him are 2 different people. Besides he actually took time to talk to me and gave the chance I needed. I love you Jimmy yeah but I still love Craig. Me and him been through things that me and you havent. And I wouldnt take back those things at all. So Jimmy, leave Craig out of this. Hes just trying to take care of me So we need time apart from each other. You dont relize that when I see you, it still hurts. When we try to talk.. I still cry. Understand?

So im gonna go call Craig, I told him I would today and see whats going on for today.

Ash

Ask me how its like to have myself so figured out

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 17:58:18 GMT

I got back from Rhode Island and it was okay. Couldve been way better but hey at least I can go anywhere by myself now. I figured out some things on the trip too. Like.. Im meant to be alone. Im fine with it. I can deal. Without Jimmy. So you guys mustve heard by now me and Jimmy are over.. for good. Its a long story so im not going to explain. ~~He wasnt making any sense at all. He was saying things that was completely untrue. Whatever. Hope him and Hazel are happy.~~ I just dont get it... dont get it at all. But im alright. I can finally breathe now that I know whats going on with me. Yeah right.. im falling apart. Im a mess. I cant believe Jimmy did that with Hazel. And he was the one bitching all the time about me trusting him?! Look what he did! I did trust him.. until he did that. Hazel better keep a close eye on him. Im sure she doesnt want Jimmy making out with someone else while theyre together. Ugh.. He ruined everything.Now that im back I guess I should catch up on my writing and stuff. I should see if El and Sean needs help with Damian.

But Craig when you see this IM me okay? ~~Im a huge mess. And your the only one I talk to cause I know that you really do care whats going on with me. Most likely the only one. Im just.. in so many pieces right now. I dont know what to do.~~

Ash

Calling me a safe bet, I bet im not

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 21:14:08 GMT

So most of you now im in Rhode Island with Jimmy and Hazel. We're staying at Jimmys friends place ~~Even though im thinking about getting a hotel room.~~, her name is Lauren. Shes nice ~~I can tell she doesnt like me or Hazel.~~. But me and Jimmy are now back together. Im real excited about this. This is another chance for me and him. But Jimmy took me out to a nice resturant yesterday. It was real nice. Then we came back and I just went into my room and ~~thought about everything.. Jimmy, home, leaving. But if I leave.. I might not go back to Degrassi. Plus im here with Jimmy and he needs me. So I guess im staying cause of him~~ took a nap. Its really nice here too by the way so its easy to go to sleep, haha. Then later on that night we all went to a club. Jimmy asked me to go when I was on the phone with El. So we all changed and left. I had fun. We didnt come back till like late and I was real tired. But me and Jimmy stayed up alittle bit longer talking and just messing around. Well im gonna get going. See ya.

Ash

You were the last good thing in this part of town

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 23:24:16 GMT

So im going on a trip with Jimmy and Hazel ~~Okay is it me or does anyone else think this is kind of messed up?~~ to Rhode Island. This should be fun. I get to spend some good time with Jimmy. So im real excited about that. Im not sure exactly what day we're leaving so I gotta talk to Jimmy ~~I really do gotta start being a better girlfriend. I just wasnt sure what was going on with me and him~~ SO im gonna go by there later and hang out for a bit if hes not busy or anything.

The baby is doing awesome! Of couse the crying in the middle of the night and the feedings then the bath times. But its all fun. And its good seeing Ellie and Sean laughing and smiling together.

So guess im gonan get going. I know ive been in hiding but now im actually gonna go out and see Jimmy.Theres something going on between Jimmy and Hazel again isnt there? He says not to worry but I cant help it. I know Hazel still has feelings for him and Jimmy has feelings for her. This is gonna be kinda hard knowing but I know I can deal. Im just used to being left for thats all. Craig went with Amy then Spinner went with Manny then MAYBE Jimmy will for Hazel. Looks like everyone has someone solid now though. Just not me.I love you Jimmy!

Ash
I love Jimmy

Im miserable here without you

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 19:21:42 GMT

Well last night was so awesome!
At first I was at the ~~the docks~~ dot then my phone rings. Its Sean and he said the baby was coming and theyre at the hospital already. So of course I jump up and run out of there and I had my mom take me to the hospital. I was kinda late and gosh.. hes beautiful. It was just a really good night.

I talked to Jimmy for awhile and he told me about how he has his own house now which is awesome. I think he wanted to tell me something else but he sounded like unsure about it or something. Jimmy you know you can talk to me about anything. ~~Is it weird that we havent made us offical yet?~~

But im gonna go see Damien, yep the baby! Eee! Haha its gonna be fun having the baby in the house!

Ash

This is the way I would have done this

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 01:30:02 GMT

Things are going better. I guess there was a party here last night and I apparently slept through half of it, haha! But I came out for a little bit but I didnt feel like being social at the moment. So I just left and went ~~to the docks~~ for a walk.~~I started crying cause I really wanna see Jimmy! God.. hes always gone and im always stuck here! Its not fair! I guess I was acting like a little baby then~~

Then I came home and everyone was gone. I just went into my room for awhile and came back out then Ellie was watching tv. So I sat down with her and we were talking about some stuff. Like baby names, whats been goin on and stuff like that. Then Dani came in ~~and said she kissed Marco.. but its not a big deal right? Marco is gay so there shouldnt be a problem there right?~~ and talked for a few then Marco came over and sat with me and El. We ate ice cream and talked ~~I think I need to do stuff like that more often. Maybe thats why im such a mess now~~ but guess im gonna get going now.

Jimmy call me later, ill be home.
Ash
I love Jimmy

We stand alone

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:17:00 GMT

Things has been really different for me lately. I have the up and downs of everything ~~an up? Living with my best friend. And down? Jimmy probably going back to Hazel~~ and im not sure if I like them or not but Ill deal. But I have been getting out lately which is good ~~well.. kinda. Im going back into my 'stay and my room and stay away from everyone' stage again. I know its not good but yet I continue to do it~~ and been hanging out with pretty much everyone. Its been good.

Jimmy is going back to Hazel. Well..not really but I got a feeling. It always happens to me so I cant help but not to think about it. Craig did it and Spin did it so Jimmy right? I dunno now. He knows how Hazel feels so that might have put some thought into Jimmy. I knew I was meant to be alone. God whatever.

But im gonna get going.
Ash

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 19:04:15 GMT

So im moved in with El and now Sean is back. Its good seeing them together again. Plus I think Sean needed to come back. So ive been doing pretty much nothing. Its nice though. I get to relax and just do what I have to do. ~~I miss Jimmy~~

But ive been hanging out with Ellie, Alex and Amy alot. And a few times with Dani and Ryan. Its been fun. I havent really talked to Craig in awhile ~~I just wanna give him time with Paige, I think im becoming annoying to him~~ but I talked to Sean (duh I live with him to) then to Jimmy. I was so happy to talk to him again. Hes doing good ~~I cant believe hes doing that!~~ and we made a date. I really want to see him. He says I mean everything to him. You know how good that sounds? I know he really means it too. And he knows how much I love him and care about him. No one else.. I love him so much. I know hes the only one for me, no matter what ~~I want him to forget about Craig! Its Ash and Jimmy now~~ But I totally wanna see him more.

But I have to go by my Moms house and pick up some money and make sure Toby, Jt and Danny didnt mess up the house. Gaah.. see ya!

Ash
I love Jimmy

They just dont belong

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 19:48:07 GMT

Im moved in with Ellie now. This is gonna so great. Im done unpacking and everything. And we even cleaned and everytihng yesterday. When I came home Ellie was watching a movie with Craig ~~it was kinda weird seeing Craig there. Like I just got this feeling. I dont think he knew I was moving in~~ and I had to do laundry. And I think El left to go for a walk and to the store. So I talked to Craig for awhile and we decided to go get something to eat. But on the way it started to rain so whats the place we go for? Yeah a tree. Haha but it was funny. So we just sat under the tree for awhile and we had one of those moments again. Its feels right but then again it doesnt. Cause he has Paige and I got Jimmy.. at least I hope I do. We kept each other warm cause it was getting kind of cold. I missed just being with him and being able to look at him with no one else around. talked about everything that has been going on.

Jimmy im glad that I finally talked to you, I miss you so much. I hope we can see each other real soon. ~~I still dont know if me and him are together but im not gonna be with anyone else except for him. Cause I only came back for Jimmy~~ I love you.

Well im gonna go with El to get something to eat. So Alex and Amy call us soon or come over and hang out with me and El. And Jimmy try to call me later if you can.

Ash

This touch breaks me

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 17:23:16 GMT

Im in the process of moving in with Ellie. Today is the lats day then ill be settled in. Im glad my mom decided to let me do this ~~I told her about Ellie and how shes pregnant. I dont want Ellie being alone. I know she would do the same for me if I was.~~. Im glad everything is getting better and getting taken care of. So after today I wont be home. Ill be at Els.

So Jimmy you can get ahold of me if you call my cell or IM me. Cause we really do need to talk ~~Im starting to feel there isnt an us anymore. I came back just for Jimmy. For him. Maybe I shouldve just stayed in New york and be by myself.~~

But im gonna get going, I gotta finish packing and stuff. See ya.

Ash

What its worth

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 18:19:33 GMT

So I went out for a walk. I was getting tired of looking at my walls. I somehow ended at the docks. It was a nice night for it though. I think im gonna go out there more often. Its relaxing nad beautiful. But Ray was there. I actually talked to him this time but he left... cause of Carly. I understand why he did. I kinda did the same thing ~~was it a mistake even coming back?~~ but I came back so I guess it is different. But after he left, I stayed for awhiel and I relized a few things Ok.. Im basically waiting for Jimmy but hes not coming. Maybe hes just keeping me on the side. And Craig and Paige together. Ok... im happy for them really its just that... its something getting used to. Then im getting the un-wanted feeling again sooo does that mean its my que to leave?... again? Gah

But I went to Steves party where everyone was drunk especially Steve. But I was talking to Jay for awhile. I missed him and now... I have to go to the hospital to see him. But then Craig came over ~~I still get the rush of feelings when he smiles at me like he does. Its crazy. So I cant help but smile.~~ And Craig im sorry about freaking out, im just getting so frustrated with some things. And thanks for putting up with me so much ~~I just hope he knows my feelings doesnt change for him. I still love him and I think me and him has the strongest friendship right now~~. But then I heard Steve got into with Jay but all he was doing was getting close to his face and yelling. But hopefully things are alright now.

Ash
Jimmy-- We need to talk A.S.A.P

We have all the time in the world

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 20:39:44 GMT

So some stuff has been going on. Manny is in the hospital. I hope she gets her memory back and everything. Cause things will be different around here. And Amy is back. We talked for awhile the other day. She helped me out and I helped her out. I think me and her are starting to be good friends again ~~I could use some friends. I dont really talk to El anymore. I hope shes ok, im gonna go see her later.~~ and thats good.

Then yesterday I went to the dot ~~first place I went to since I came home from NY~~ and had some lunch then Craig came up there. We talked for awhile then decided we're gonna work on our music again. I love doing music. I cant see myself doing anything else, haha. Then I hung out with Toby for alittle bit when I came home.

Ok... I havent seen Jimmy in forever. I miss him so much. But Jimmy.. I need to know if we're gonna be together. Because you know I already want to be with you. You were my first love and you always will be. I love you Jimmy. We need to see each other real soon. I miss you and I love you.

Then I guess... Carly died. I feel so bad. I only really talked to her once or twice but she was so cool. I could see why her and El got along. We were all alike. But wow... this is so... I dont know... sudden. Im gonna try to get ahold of her sister and see whats going on.

Ash

Swear I wont miss a beat

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 01:33:36 GMT

So ive been back for awhile now~~why do I want to leave again? Maybe I wasnt ready to come back but I was thinking about Craig so its not bad or anything~~and im getting used to things now. I guess it made a difference when I left home. Tobys always around me now and my Mom... well.. shes still the same but she wants me to talk to her more. But she didnt do anything so she doesnt have to worry.

I havent seen Jimmy around. Im sorry if I missed your calls Jimmy~~ive been in my room ever since I came home~~ive been going to bed like real early. But we should go out for lunch tomarrow. ~~I do want to be with him. I know he wont screw me over like Spinner did. Spinner was just an all around bad boyfriend. But Jimmy.. hes so not. I know he cares and he shows it everyday.~~So you can call me or I can call you. Im sorry Jimmy and I miss you and love you. And I hope you can forgive me for being stupid and everything that ive done before. I really do love you Jimmy.

But im gonna go find something to do. See ya.

Ash

You were my compass

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 02:59:13 GMT

So im back! I missed it here. And I got to see my Mom before she left so now its me and Toby. And Craig thank you so much. Thanks for everything you said and done. ~~So me and Craig kinda went past each other, like he went into Paiges arms and I fell in love with Jimmy all over again.~~

And when I came home Toby said Jimmy came by and they played basketball for awhile then Jimmy waited for me. Im sorry Jimmy, they cancelled my plane. But when I walked in my room I was still hoping Jimmy was there but.. he left me white roses. I just melted. And of course with the sweetest card. SO Jimmy me and you still have to talk ~~about me and you. Im sorry it took me so long to relize but too much stuff was going on. Im sorry, can you forgive me?~~ about everything.

Ash

The nights just dont belong

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 16:18:42 GMT

Im still in New York and I think me and Craig are coming home Sunday. We had so much fun and im glad I got to do all of this with Craig. He really helped me alot and I dont think anyone would have done this or anything for me like he did <strike>well maybe Jimmy... ok he would.</strike> but we are missing home right now. And ive done some major thinking last night but I dont think I figured anything out.

Ashley was sitting in central park at night. Yeah not a good idea but hey. Craig was still in thier room. He was sleeping. She knew he was missing everything. Joey, Angie and Paige. She knew it wasnt fair to anyone so she decided to go home with Craig on Sunday. She didnt want to keep him away or anything. But when she goes back she knows everything isnt going to be the same as before. She knows Craig and Paige are going to be together. But it was nice kissing Craig again and feeling safe even loved. But just being around him was good enough for her. And Jimmy... she had no idea about Jimmy. He doesnt want her. He made that clear. But she doesnt know how Jimmy feels about her or anything but Ash wished she knew. Ash thought about coming home to Jimmy. Yeah.. him waiting for her at her house.. in her room.. anywhere. Just Jimmy waiting there for her. No one else. Ashley didnt know much anymore. Except shes alone, scared and going home.

I set myself up

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 20:57:33 GMT

New York is wonderful. Im sure everyone already knows and that im here with Craig. Hes doing good too ~~I know that nothing can happen with us. paige and amy. I cant be a reason anymore. I want him to be happy. Im always gonna love him~~, we went to a concert last night and dinner. Im glad my Mom and Joey are cool with this. But I think ill be home ina few days. ~~I dont know if Craig wants to stay here anymore or not~~

I talked to Jimmy for awhile. He doesnt believe me at all! Why not! He doesnt trust me with Craig. But whatever. Me and Craig are watching out for each other. I havent had someone care for me like that in a loong time. But Jimmy is happy with Candace so im gonna leave him alone. He already given up on me a long time ago. He says I did but if I did 'give up' on him... then why do I still say 'I love you'? But I guess ill stop And when I get back we're gonna talk.

But im gonna get going. I wanna go see more of New York cause its such an awesome place.

Ash

[[Train Station]]

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 23:25:51 GMT

Ashley was talking to Craig. Just to say bye so she could leave. She didnt want to be here. She was feeling so out of it. She packed her clothes after talking to Craig then wrote a few notes to some of her friends or least she hoped they were...

Craig- I dont want to ruin anything you have here with anyone. So im going for awhile so you can be happy with the person your meant for. And so I wont be a bother to you or her.
I love you.
Paige- I know we havent talked since the whole Spinner thing and im so sorry. And I will leave you and him alone. I promise.
Spinner- Hope your happy with Manny cause you broke my heart for the last time. Im out of your life and your out of mine.
Jimmy- Thank you for listening to me and caring for me. And im sorry I didnt listen to you when you said you would treat me so good. But you have Candace now. A new love. So good luck. I care about you Jimmy and I will always love you. First loves right?
Mom and Toby- Ill call when I get there. Love you guys.
She put down her pen and walked outside to the cab with her bags. She was silent and looking out the window. She went by Craigs house then looked away cause she seen Paige outside with their dog or as she puts it their "kid". She got to the station and waited for her train. Few minutes went by "Train leaving in 10 minutes! 10 minutes!" the annoucer said. Ashley stood up and turned around "See ya" she said to herself then started walking.
She heard a voice that sounded so wonderful to her. It was Craig running to her then coming up to her saying "I cant let you go". Those words coming from him felt good to hear. He did care even though he loved Amy or Paige. Then few minutes later... Craig and Ashley left.